Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mother's Day 2012

It's Mother's Day 2012.

Woke up at 5am. Nothing unusual there I wake up early almost every day. I laid there thinking or better yet trying to make myself believe it would be a great day.  It should be, I wanted it to be and I honestly did try.

I wrote a whole post on my day and how it basically sucked but then I decided to delete it. See my boys tried they really really did. I got a card from my son and yes it was a card I made for my mom before she passed but he wrote what he felt inside. It truly meant the world to me when he thanked me for driving him everywhere for everything he wants to do. And every time I look at it I will think of her and of him with a smile.

My husband took us out for breakfast with his mom, and that was wonderful - I didn't have to cook this morning. It was ok that I had to go in and buy the coffee on our drive out to get her, I was with my family and that's what mattered.

We visited my Dad. It was a hard day for my Dad and my siblings.  First Mother's Day without my Mom.  A few tears were shed. Ok more than a few on my part.

We had a lovely dinner and yes I had to cook it but at least I ate dinner with my husband and my amazing son.

It wasn't a day of luxury for me. It was a normal day. Laundry to be done, homework to help with and time spent with the people that mean the most to me.

The only thing that would have made it better would have been putting my arms around my Mom and wishing her a very Happy Day.  So instead I look out the patio doors into the night sky and find the star that is shining the brightest and throw a huge kiss because I know that's Mom and she is sending her love to us all.


Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Just saying Thank you isn't enough

It's funny when you have something huge happen in your life whether it is exciting, life changing or down right scary you think you know who is going to be there for you. It's surprising who is there and sometimes even more who isn't.

Our life changing scary event we had last week with Terry showed us this. And I need to say THANK YOU to so many people that I am not sure even where to begin and it's truly not enough.

Our son - Marcus - how proud I am of you. You are the one that realized what happened to Dad the second time and reacted faster than I could and you are the one that put that phone in my hand to call 911 without even being asked to grab it. You are the one that got the kids to put the toys away and organized them so they were out of the way of the chaos that came. You were the one that put Frankie outside so the chaos wouldn't include him. Daddy and I are honoured to be your parents. We love you super duperity do and to the purple squishy planet and back.

Terry's Mom Hazel or as most of my friends know her - HAPPY GRANDMA was at the hospital by the time I arrived. I truly think her being there with me helped me hold it all together. I knew Terry would be ok but I also knew it was something serious though at the time we didn't know exactly what it was.  She made sure I had coffee and a muffin as she knew I hadn't eaten (it was still early) and share a sandwich with me at lunch so I wouldn't be in the bed beside Terry in the ER. I would not trade her in for a millions years or ever! Sorry she is mine!

My brothers - Shane always checked up on me and that afternoon met me in the ER and visited with Terry before going to do his visits with my parents that were in the same hospital. My brother Tom visited in the evening to make sure all was ok after his visit with our parents and took Marcus to visit with his grandparents so I could stay with Terry.  My sister Susan just to talk to her and text her made me feel more at ease. THANKS SIBLINGS LOVE YOU!

My two next door neighbors. Lynn who we've only known a few months and Glenda, they truly showed me how "neighborly" they truly are. Glenda came out in her housecoat and winter boots after her shower - I actually don't think she dried herself off and it was freezing out. Lynn came and walked right through the door told the paramedics she was a nurse and when they said they were ok for help she went right to my dayhome kids and my son and played with them until Terry was gone. She even helped me go through Terry's wallet looking for his health care card that I couldn't seem to find. See in a crisis that card seems to be invisible.  She also took Marcus for the day so I could be at the ER without worrying if he was fed or clothed even and let Frankie out and took him for a walk and made sure he had been fed. And fed us that night so I didn't have to cook.

Heather - you little sneaky girl by saying that your just coming to visit the next day but you came bearing lasagna and rolls and presents for all. You don't know how much that meant to me. You came at the right time too!

Eryn - in cahoots with Heather to make sure I was ok and your husband willing to take Marcus on that Saturday. THANK YOU

Diana - always just there for me as you have been for the past 42 years. Hey world I have the best BFF ever. Everyone should have one like her but you can't have mine.

Jill - THANK YOU for just listening to me talk and vent, and making sure that Marcus was looked after and always checking for updates.

Loretta - for dinner on Friday night and it was one of Marcus' favourites. Not having to cook or even think of dinner meant more than I can ever say.

McLauchlin Family - your wonderful card with gift cards to my favourite coffee shop and Subway for when I didn't have time or energy to cook was so very thoughtful and caring and I can't express my gratitude enough. It's great to reconnect with those friends I grew up with.

The parents of the wonderful kids I look after. How can I thank you enough for being there moments after I called to pick up your children. And the kids themselves that state the moment the ambulance leaves with Terry that they miss him and hope he gets better soon. I couldn't ask for a better group to look after. I am proud that you have chosen me to be the one to nurture, play and enjoy them while you work.

Other family like my cousins and Aunts and Uncles and Terry's cousins sending messages with their love and support. Friends that are in front of you in the Tim Horton's drive thru and when you get your order it's already paid for. And so many friends putting us in their prayers and thoughts.

Guaranteed if any of you ever need us we will be there.

Terry and I are so very blessed to have you all in our lives and we cherish and love each and every one of you.

Monday, February 13, 2012


I am amazed
When I look at you
I see you smiling back at me
It's like all my dreams come true
I am afraid
If I lost you girl
I'd fall through the cracks
And lose my track in this crazy lonely world

Sometimes it's so hard to believe
When the nights can be so long
And gave me the strength
And kept me holding on

You are the love of my life
And I'm so glad you found me
You are the love of my life
Baby put your arms around me
I guess this is how it feels
When you finally find something real
My angel in the night
You are my love
The love of my life

Now here you are
With midnight closing in
You take my hand as our shadows dance
With moonlite on your skin

I look in your eyes
I'm lost inside your kiss
I think if I'd never met you
About all the things i'd missed

sometimes it's so hard to believe
when a love can be so strong
and faith gave me the strength
and kept me holding on

You are the love of my life
And I'm so glad you found me
You are the love of my life
Baby put your arms around me
I guess this is how it feels
When you finally find something real
My angel in the night
You are my love
The love of my life

by Jim Brickman


He's a shy, extremely intelligent, funny, sarcastic, loveable, wonderful, sensitive, quiet, an amazing husband and father.

Last week I thought he was going to leave me forever, but thanks to an amazing group of medical professionals he is on his way to being better than ever.

You always think that nothing like that can happen to you but you know what it can and it does so hold on tight to those you love and cherish them even more. That little fight you had this morning over who left the cap off the toothpaste means nothing but holding your loved ones hand while you go for a stroll does.

And ALWAYS kiss them goodbye and tell them you love them.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012



  [in-spahyuhr] verb, -spired, -spir·ing.
verb (used with object)
to fill with an animating, quickening, or exalting influence:His courage inspired his followers.
to produce or arouse (a feeling, thought, etc.): to inspire confidence in others.
to fill or affect with a specified feeling, thought, etc.: to inspire a person with distrust.
to influence or impel: Competition inspired her to greater efforts.
to animate, as an influence, feeling, thought, or the like,does: They were inspired by a belief in a 
better future.

There are a million things that inspire me and I would love to share them all with you but I am sure you have a life and don't want to be reading this post for a month.

I love to be inspired. It makes me happy, it fills me with joy.  I need to be inspired in many parts of my life.

So what inspires me?  

There are  things like the smell of freshly cut grass or the laughter of the young kids I look after. Having that first cup of coffee in the morning while camping (preferably with Bailey's in it). My husband holding my hand as we walk down the street (yup after 13 years together he still likes to hold it). Amazing friends.  A piece of artwork that sends me off to my craft zone to scrapbook a picture or create a card. 

 There's a ton of others but here's some of my favourites

My husband Terry and our son Marcus

Our nutty dog Frankie who thinks he is human

Weekends away with my Soul Sista's Heather and Eryn (just need my BFF Diana to join us)

My siblings - this is Susan and Shane (can't find a picture with all 5 of us it's very rare we are all together in the same place)

My niece Sarah,  nephews Kirby, Taylor, Adam with Marcus and my parents.

So what inspires you?

Friday, January 13, 2012


One of my friends did this on her blog and I had to follow along. Check out HEATHER. She has an amazing blog and a great writer.

I AM a daughter, sister, aunt, wife, mother, friend, and caregiver.

I WANT 2012 to be my family and extended family's year. Only good things.

I HAVE come to realize I have some AMAZING friends and so glad that I have reconnected with some from my past and so thankful for the ones I have made in recent years and as always my BFF for loving me for just me.

I KEEP everything yup I do ask my husband. Though I'm getting better at purging.

I WISH I could complete more projects than I do.

I HATE that I have a bad temper and hold things in until it flares and that usually my husband gets the brunt of it.

I FEAR the loss of my child and my husband, they really are my heart.

I HEAR a lot and sometimes things that aren't really there and make more out of it then I should.

I DON'T THINK that I have reached my full potential yet.

I REGRET very little in my life only because it's what makes me who I am today.

I LOVE with all my heart.

I AM NOT a very good liar and that's a good thing.

I DANCE whenever I can and some would say I dance like no one is watching and that I really should stop!

I SING and sing and like dancing my family says STOP! I don't listen to them and am thinking of starting a band with my friend Jill - we'd make a killing.

I NEVER seem to have enough hours in the day.

I RARELY sleep past 8 am. Ok really I rarely sleep through the night even, it's almost like I'm a newborn. 

I CRY WHEN anything happens. Good, bad, sad, happy, you name it I can cry about it. Terry calls me "Puddles" and all he has to say is Old Yeller. Oh look there I go. Sniff Sniff...

I AM NOT ALWAYS confident and sure of myself and decisions. You would think after 43 years I would be.

I AM CONFUSED ABOUT life but I think we are supposed to be.

I NEED my family and good friends in my life. Love them with all my heart.

I SHOULD get up and walk the dog or do the dishes or laundry and the other zillion things on my to do list but am going to continue to snuggle on the couch watching TV and surfing the net with my favourite 10 year old and favourite furry dog.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

It's been a long time

It's been a long time since I posted. Just over 3 months and not sure why I haven't other than life got busy and I have no idea what I've done since then!

 A lot has happened since then. My mom ended up in the hospital approximately the beginning of October and was just released to go back home a few days ago. Long struggle for her and some very close calls but she is home.

In September my husband took the plunge and went back to school full-time while working full-time.  I want to see my husband. I want us to have our date nights and our family fun nights. I miss him but I know what he is doing is worth it in the end.  June 30, 2013 can't come soon enough for me.

Marcus turned 10 in November. How the heck did we become parents to a 10 year old. Seriously HOW I'm sure I'm only 33 still. Yes I live in a fantasy world. LOL!  He is turning into a wonderful young man that I'm proud to call my son.

Christmas came, it was quiet for us and really what this family of 3 really needed this year.  My boys were home for break and it was wonderful having them with me, though it's nice to have routine.

I've missed blogging (not that I did a lot before) I am hoping for a bit more time to come here to a place where I can just say whatever is I need to say.