Discouraged

I really do try to be an upbeat person. I try to find the good in everyone because I believe everyone has some good in them.

Sometimes I feel like I'm in high school though or worse grade 8 flashes back to my mind where people I thought were my friends talk behind my back and/or make fun of me for whatever reason it is they find the need to do this for. Why is it at 43 years old I still feel like this. After this many years you would think I'd learn to handle it or to just get over it but rushes back like a raft going down the wild rapids of the Kicking Horse. I've done so many things for some friends (ask for my help and you will get it 99.9% of the time), always being there for them and always trying to make them feel and know that they are my friend and all I ask is for this in return.

There have been times lately that friends I have considered to be really good friends haven't returned this and found a few lying to me. I have never handled this well even when I was 8. I've never been good with confrontation (unless it's with my husband) and always end up not saying what I need to say in the way I need to say it. You know the type that always has the perfect come back or thing to say 1 hour after you should have it! Yup that's me. So now I am at a point in some situations where I have no idea what to do and it turns out that some of the people whose advise I would ask are the people whose friendships I question.

Maybe I need a therapist, maybe I need to just forget the situation and move on, or maybe it just calls for more margaritas.  Who knows!

Whatever the answers are and who knows if I find them I always know that there are two things that help. My amazing husband and my loving son.